what happens now?

“do you really know the person you’re sleeping with?” carrie bradshaw posed this question.

what happens when the person you thought you knew inside out, suddenly shows a side of them that makes you take a step back and realise, you don’t know them as well as you thought?

what happens when the person you’ve been building your dreams/future with, becomes the person who tears them apart?

what happens when you realise this person has become your best friend, confidante, your entire world, and you have no one else to turn to? your friends are his friends. your home is his home. your safe place is him.

what happens when you realise you have crossed way over your side and you’ve lost your way back? it becomes a one-sided relationship.

so what happens when doubt begins to eat inside of you and you wonder if you’ve given up far too much to let go now, and yet, you wonder if you should?

and yet, all he can do is get angry when you raise your issue.

so what happens now?

you repress your emotions and stay. because if you leave, you know he won’t hurt as much as you will.

dead romance & design wonders

why do i feel like we’re drifting apart although everything is still the same?

perhaps it is because he no longer has ‘that look’ as often as he used to. or is it because of the lack of cuddles that used to make me feel so appreciated? it could also be the signs of him wanting to be single every now and then. and certainly no more whispers of sweet nothings.

i know, it’s almost inevitable for all this to happen as a relationship progresses towards the stale end of the scale, but i don’t like it and i refuse to accept it. just like how i refuse to accept that my metabolism is starting to slow down and i need to start exercising.

lesson number one on marriage:
his mum once said to me (in her cute nyonya accent), “marriage is not about love love thing. it is about keeping each other company until you’re old. even though we fight everyday about small small things, i know he is a good person.”

but the thing is, i WANT that “love love thing”. i want it to be the forever, ever ever (ala outkast) thing. who doesn’t?

it is because of this, i don’t think i’m very good with keeping long relationships. i refuse to grow stale. i want passion throughout, not obligations. perhaps, i really am going to be an old spinster with 14 cats as someone once told me.

oh joy.
____________________

i love looking at interiors. here’s some i drool over.

BATHROOM

BEDROOM

love the colour scheme of this bedroom. contemporary shabby chic with a vintage feel.

here’s a reason to never get out of bed. a HD plasma tv embedded into your bed. now all you need is a bell to call for food!

another reason to sleep all day. in your very own rocking bed!! i’m so deep in love with this bed.

simple yet curvy in the right places.

D-A-wat? P-K-wat? P-A-wat?

i have a confession to make.

to those who know me, it may come across as a shock and some of you may even shake your heads in disbelief. so, here goes…

I VOTED!!

okay. you can close your mouths now. you can blink too.

everybody knows how utterly clueless i am when it comes to politics. and i have noticed that i am not the only one. many people in my generation haven’t got a clue about what’s going on behind the curtains in the world of politics.

and because of this, a majority of us don’t bother voting because we haven’t got a clue who we should be handing our futures to. it’s like choosing between giving ourselves over to slavery or prostitution. which, in fact, isn’t really all so different from giving ourselves over to politicians, innit?

i admit, i wouldn’t have taken the initiative to register myself and certainly would have adopted the common thought of “why bother? nothing’s going to change anyway,” if it hadn’t been for an accidental discovery.

i didn’t register myself. but i was registered.

the word “phantom voter” echoes through the air.

so instead of letting them use me, i decided to use the opportunity and turn the knife around.

over the last couple of weeks, i realised how bleak the future looked for our generation. less than one third of the people i know actually said they were voting.

imagine. less than one third. i’ve been told that the statistics are something along the lines of:

population : 27 million
registered voters : 11 million
submitted votes : 8 million

don’t quote me on that. but it’s an indication of how much we could change the system if everyone DID put their one measly vote in.

so that’s what i did. and i’m proud of it.

driving phobia

everyone who knows me, knows i don’t drive. or try very hard not to.

the thought of it stresses me out and i start to feel anxious. i wondered if it could be classified as a phobia, and if there was such thing as a driving phobia. there’s phobias for everything these days.

so i googled ‘driving phobia’.

• You have the fear that you may lose control and cause an accident YUP

• You are afraid to drive on congested town roads YUP

• The fear is so intense that you become confused and fail to take the correct action HASN’T HAPPENED YET
  

• You avoid driving in heavy traffic areas YUP

• You don’t feel like driving in poor weather conditions YUP

• You avoid joining motorways YUP

• You are completely tensed while you are about to approach junctions, roundabouts and the vistas of numerous lanes YUP
  

• You don’t want to go out of the house and make excuses for not driving OH DEFINITELY YES
  

• While you drive, you feel tremendously anxious and uncomfortable YUP

i remember when we were teenagers and all my friends were dying to get their license so they could drive around on their own. i was never one of them. the longer i didn’t have to drive, the better.

six years after taking my driving test, and i’m still a useless driver.

i think, if i don’t die of a heart attack due to high cholesterol, i’ll probably die in a car crash. worse still, is if i don’t die and survive an accident with permanent brain damage.

aren’t i just full of sunshine?

i made it alive

i am still alive after that 10km walk albeit rather sore.

- my hips groan with every movement, complaining about how much i strained them. lazy buggers.
- my butt squeals in pain every time i try to sit, stand or climb stairs.
- my knees reprimand me with every step i take.

so. the question is… will i ever do it again? the answer is…

like the coupling’s theme song says, “perhaps… perhaps… perhaps.”

and if i do, next time i’ll make sure i’m more prepared for it.

it makes me sick

edit: i have taken off the video due to concerns of me being subject to the ISA. because we live in a free country that is only free for the rich, powerful and corrupted.

“The Internal Security Act 1960 (ISA) is a preventive detention law in force in Malaysia.”

“The ISA has been consistently used against people who criticise the government and defend human rights. Known as the “white terror“, it has been the most feared and despised, yet convenient tool for the state to suppress opposition and open debate. The Act is an instrument maintained by the ruling government to control public life and civil society.” – Wikipedia
________________

do not watch this if you have a weak stomach. it’s almost like watching passions of the christ to a lesser extent.

i am traumatised. i can only imagine how this guy managed to walk after all that. *shudder* you would hope he’ll learn his lesson. i don’t think they mentioned his crimes.

i find this kind of corporal punishment so medieval. in this day and age, you would think we would find other ways to teach law breakers a lesson. but as we all know, “malaysia boleh!” anything goes in this country.

banning the pussycat dolls for improper dressing and stage behaviour is just so silly compared to inflicting pain upon another human being. don’t you think our country’s views on morality is just a little skewed?

yeah. i find more and more reasons to leave this country.

DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DADADADADA!!

anyone care to hazard a guess as to what song that is?

i guarantee you’ll know it. unless you passed your mid-life crisis twenty years ago. in which case, you wouldn’t be reading this anyway.

alvin and i went to the premiere of the simpsons last night. my rating? one star.

to be fair, i’ve never been a simpsons fan, simply because i find it can be mildly offensive to the intellect. not that i claim to be a highly intellectual person, but lame american humour just rubs me the wrong way. it irritates me more than anything else.

so then, why one star? i give one star as credit to the maker’s wild imagination and ability to create a (weak) story out of a whole series of random nonsense.

the group of people behind me were obviously simpson fans. they laughed at everything as though they had never seen anything funnier in their lives. it wasn’t the “hur hur” chuckle. it was more like…

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *pause for breath* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

alvin and i looked at each other in amusement, eyebrows raised. i guess there are people who appreciate lame humour, after all.